It’s natural for us to locate the source of conflict outside ourselves.
But seasoned leaders have learned that they are part of the total system and therefore, part of any conflict. If that’s true, then what part do leaders play in creating cultures that handle conflict well?
We’ve already looked at 7 Relational Dynamics and 5 Structural Inhibitors that keep team’s mired in conflict. Today we get personal, focusing in on leaders and the 3 Personal Blockers that keep the cycle of conflict from ending.
Even after you resolve relational and structural problems, the Personal Blockers will still keep you stuck in the conflict cycle until you address and overcome them.
(See my previous posts for an outline of the 4 Dimensions of Perpetual Conflict—Relational, Structural, Personal, and Spiritual—as well as the factors in each dimension.)
Personal Blocker #1: (Lack of) Model
When leaders have not demonstrated a clear process or model for addressing and resolving conflict.
We know organizations have cultures, and those cultures are made up of norms for behavior and interaction. Organizations need to model the expected norms for resolving conflict. Without those norms, employees tend to avoid conflict, because the risks of wading in seem to outweigh any potential rewards.
It is important to train employees in skills for healthy conflict in the workplace. But the leader must still demonstrate how those skills should be used on a day-to-day basis. One leader I know came up with a ridiculously simple process for resolving normal conflicts. He consistently modeled it to his team and reduced time spent in conflict by 80%.
Personal Blocker #2: (Lack of) Awareness
When one or more of the 3 Levels of Awareness are missing or incomplete.
Here is a brief explanation of the 3 Levels of Awareness:
Self-awareness is clearly seeing your own strengths, weaknesses, and tendencies. Most leaders have developed some self-awareness but still have room to grow.
Other-awareness comes from learning the same things about others you work with. Leaders with high EQ (Emotional Intelligence) make other-awareness a deliberate goal for themselves and everyone on their team.
Impact-awareness is when leaders consistently seek feedback to learn how their words and behavior impact people around them so they can self-correct and become more effective. It’s the least common of the three.
How many leaders have failed to achieve their vision or reach their goals because they were unaware of their impact on others? Awareness is critical to creating a team climate where conflict is kept within healthy bounds. Lack of awareness creates a roadblock to resolving current conflict. You can’t fix what you can’t see.
Personal Blocker #3: (Lack of) Courage
When leaders and/or employees are held back by fear of the response an action may provoke.
Here are some of the more common leadership behaviors that illustrate a fear-based response:
1) Trying to solve a relational problem with a structural solution (changing reporting relationships to separate people who were fighting).
2) Removing an item from a meeting agenda because of how someone might react.
3) Hesitating (or failing) to discipline or correct an employee because it might cause a bigger conflict.
Personally, I’ve been guilty of all three examples and more. But I’ve learned that a leader’s lack of courage will keep the team and organization locked in conflict.
I often speak to groups of leaders about three acts of courage that break down unhealthy cultures (I’ll cover this in an upcoming post). But the simple truth is, resolving conflict in healthy ways requires courage from the leader. When a leader acts with courage, it emboldens everyone in the organization to demonstrate the same virtue.
Check the blog each week—at the end of this series we will share a downloadable map of all the conflict factors and dynamics.
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